i want you

i want you
to be the best that you can be..
i want you
to hear the biggest applause ever!
and i want that applause to be for you
i want you
to feel how it is to receive a standing ovation
to win the crowd's heart
to cherish their cheers and praises
i want you
to be the center of attention
to achieve you greatest dreams
to vow and never surrender
i want you
to be the victor of every game
to have everyone else looking at you
basking in your glory
i want you
to sing while everybody listens
dance while everyone's watching
look into their eyes and say "i'm here!"
i want you
to be the envy of everybody
to rise above your crowd
to live..to love..to be..
and i will just be here..
watching your every move...
witnessing the glory that is you.

sayang..

sus..y man nakigbulag pa ko nimo nga musikat man diay ka??? kung alam ko lang..shucks..dah! heheh..(la lang jud mahimo bah..)

love is a contradiction

proving it the APO way...


HUWAG NA HUWAG MASANAY SA PAGMAMAHAL

HUWAG NA HUWAG MASANAY SA PAGMAMAHAL
KAPAG NASANAY KA, NAKU KAWAWA KA
HINDI LANG BASTA-BASTA ANG PAGMAMAHAL
KAPAG UMIBIG KA TILA MAY ABALA
IBANG-IBA ANG BUHAY MO KAPAG NAG-IISA
WALANG INAASIKASONG PROBLEMA NG IBA
KAYA KUNG NAG-AALINLANGAN MAGMAHAL
ANG PAYO KO SA ‘YO AY HUWAG NA LANG

(Kuh)
BAKIT PARANG UMAANGAL KA NGAYON
NGAYON AT NASA IYO NA ANG PAG-IBIG KO
HINDI BA KELAN LAMANG NUNG SINABI MO
WALANG IBANG GUSTO PARA SA BUHAY MO
GANYAN BA TALAGA ANG KWENTO NG PAGMAMAHAL
PARANG ‘SANG GAYUMA NA HINDI NAGTATAGAL
KAYA KUNG NAG-AALINLANGANG MAGMAHAL
ANG PAYO KO SA ‘YO AY HUWAG NA LANG

(APO & Kuh)
REFRAIN:
BAKIT AYAW NG NAG-IISA
KAILANGAN PANG MERONG KASAMA
KASAMA NA NAGDADALA LAMANG NG SAKIT NG ULO
(Kuh)
HUWAG MONG PASUKAN KUNG HINDI MO KAYA
ANG BUHAY NG MAYROONG KASAMA
MABUTI PANG MAIWAN NA NAG-IISA
WALA PANG ABALA

LALALALALALA

(APO & Kuh)
IBANG-IBA ANG BUHAY KAPAG NAG-IISA
WALANG INAASIKASONG PROBLEMA NG IBA
KAYA KUNG NAG-AALINLANGANG MAGMAHAL
ANG PAYO KO SA ‘YO AY HUWAG NA LANG
ANG PAYO KO SA ‘YO AY HUWAG NA LANG


paano
apo hiking society

paano mo malalaman
itong pag-ibig ko sa ‘yo
paano mo mararamdaman
ang tibok ng puso ko
kung lagi kang kinakabahan
na ika’y masasaktan
pangako ko, ang puso mo’y
hindi pakakawalan

paano mo maiintindihan
na ako’y nananabik
o, kelan ko kaya madarama
ang tamis ng iyong halik
kung lagi mong inaatrasan
ang sugod ng nagmamahal
sana nama’y pagbigyan mo’ng
hiling ng puso ko

subukan mong magmahal
o giliw ko
kakaibang ligayang matatamo
ang magmahal ng iba’y
di ko gagawin
pagka’t ikaw lang
tanging sasambahin
huwag ka nang mangagamba
pag-ibig ko’y ikaw
wala nang iba

Tuyo Na'ng Damdamin

MINSAN KAHIT NA PILITIN MONG UMINIT ANG DAMDAMIN
DI SIYA SUSUNOD, AT DI MAGLALAMBING
MINSAN DI MO NA MAPIGIL MAPANSIN
NA TALAGANG WALA NANG NAIIWAN NA PAGMAMAHAL

REFRAIN:
AT KAHIT NA ANONG GAWIN
DI MO NA MAPILIT AT MADAYA
AMININ SA SARILI MO
NA WALA KA NG MABUBUGA

PARANG ‘SANG KANDILA NA NAGDADALA
NG ILAW AT LIWANAG
NAUUBOS RIN SA MAGDAMAG

(INSTRUMENTAL)

DI NA MADAIG O MABALIK ANG DATING MATAMIS NA KAHAPON
PILITIN MA’Y TUYO NA’NG DAMDAMIN

Panalangin

I.
PANALANGIN KO SA HABANG BUHAY
MAKAPILING KA, MAKASAMA KA
YAN ANG PANALANGIN KO-OH
AT HINDI PAPAYAG, ANG PUSONG ITO
MAWALA KA, SA ‘KING PILING
MAHAL KO IYONG DINGGIN

II.
WALA NG IBA PANG MAS MAHALAGA
SA TAMIS NA DULOT NG PAG-IBIG
NATING DAL’WA…
AT SANA NAMAN MAKIKINIG KA
KAPAG AKING SASABIHIN
MINAMAHAL KITA…AAAH

(REPEAT I & II 2X)

III.
PANALANGIN KO SA HABANG BUHAY
MAKAPILING KA, MAKASAMA KA
YAN ANG PANALANGIN KO-OH
AT HINDI PAPAYAG, ANG PUSONG ITO
MAWALA KA, SA ‘KING PILING
MAHAL KO, IYONG DINGGIN

..ewan ko, hindi ko alam..pwede bang wag na lang nating pag-usapan? ay, eraser heads na diay ni..hehe...

i hate it

but i'm starting to miss how life was when i was stil a call center agent..MABUANG NA KO SA PRESSURE SA AKONG TRABAHO!!!

we don't really see what we seem to see

click on the picture

If your eyes follow the movement of the rotating pink dot,
you will only see one color, pink.

However, if you stare at the black "+" in the center,
the moving dot turns to green.

Now, concentrate on the black "+" in the center of the picture.
After a short period, all the pink dots will slowly disappear,
and you will only see a green dot rotating.

It's amazing how our brain works. There really is no green dot,
and the pink ones really don't disappear. This should be proof
enough, we don't always see what we think we see.

sorry...caught the virus too..

HE IS SOO CUTE! look, i'm sorry, okay..i'm no fan but who can resist that boyish charm trapped in him...? and man, does he deliver!! perfect, sam, perfect!

(oh, cmon! don't i have the right to revive my teenage years..?)

work with

i'm glad she's 'better' now..as if she's just recovered from a very fatal illness..whew!
yeah, i think i like her already..knowing that we share a lot of things in common..
name 1: authority. she worked hard to gain it..she's inspiring me to gain it too..yeah, she's suddenly 'new' to me//
i respect her more now. i mean, i respect her now.

i look at her and i see love. i listen to her and i hear love. i touch her and i feel love...labs u, ma!

You’re my piece of mind, in this crazy world
You’re every thing I've tried to find
Your love is a pearl
You’re my Mona Lisa
You’re my rainbow skies
And my only prayer is that you realize
You'll always be beautiful in my eyes...

The world will turn
And the seasons will change
And all the lessons we will learn
Will be beautiful and strange
We'll have our fell of tears
Our share of sight
My only prayer is that you realize
You'll always be beautiful in my eyes...

You will always be beautiful in my eyes
And the passing years will show
That you will always grow
Ever more beautiful in my eyes

And there are lines upon my face
From a life time of smiles
When the time comes to embrace
For one long last wine
We can laugh about how time really flies
We won’t say goodbye
‘Cause true love never dies
You'll always be beautiful in my eyes...

You will always be beautiful in my eyes
And The passing years will show
That you will always grow
Ever more beautiful in my eyes

The passing years will show
That you will always grow
Ever more beautiful in my eyes...

a letter...

hey..what's up?
haven't called or e/mailed in a while..
been trying to reach out but you seemed detached...always not there..
how have u been doing..
never thought wud miss u..
but wud u care for another silly conversation?..or a dumber than dumbest reflections about what and how life shud be..?
ever missed those times when all we do is whine..?
have u ever felt insecure?
i am now..
have u finally left me, friend?

this, is rare

yes, i miss the life i had in PS. not the work, the life..i miss going home not loaded with any work-related problem..i miss not doing any report (the only 'report' done then was call-docu..) i miss waking up at fixed hours and drag myself out of bed because it's time to hit the restroom...i miss wearing a jacket (silly..) i miss putting a headset on (t'was a cool thing..) and MOST OF ALL: I MISS MY ENGLISH!!!!!
God, please send me an american doctor whom i can discuss with using the english language!
and yes,
I MISS THE ABSENCE OF 'ESTABLISHING RAPPORT AND BUILDING RELATIONSHIPS!!!'
why?
because in PS, i can shout at my customer and forget about him because the chances of another encounter is as thin as me marrying brad pitt...
because in PS, i can be extra nice only once to a customer who will forget my name anyway..
because in PS, i don't have to see the customer eye to eye so while my voice is sooo dear, he doesn't know that i'm wrekcing havoc with my bare hands...
because in PS, i don't need to give my real name, so the hell with a customer's lawsuit against Nadia the e-rep! (yeah, i know he can locate me..but my company will take good care of it..)
I MISS THE GRAVEYARD SHIFT
because in PS, there is such a thing as a night diff..
because in PS, there is such a thing as an overtime pay
because working during holidays means money
I MISS MY ENGLISH
again...
I MISS MY SUPERVISOR
I MISS THE CASUAL LIFE
like addressing ur boss by his first name..no such thing as ma'am or sir..i love it! it makes me feel at ease
like not wearing any uniform at all as long as u look descent enough
I MISS CEBU
I MISS MY FRIENDS THERE

but i don't miss my job..just the way life was..

I DON'T MISS WAKING UP AND GOING TO WORK KNOWING i MYT ENCOUNTER ANOTHER AMERICAN WHO DOESN'T KNOW HOW TO READ
"mr. smith, we have rules and regulations to abide by.."
"what rules and regulations?? i wasn't told!!"
"..asshole..."
"did u just call me an asshole? lemme talk to ur supervisor!"
"asshole? i called u an asshole? what i meant mr smith was FUCK YOU!"
I DON'T MISS PUTTING ON AN AVAIL MODE KNOWING ANYTIME A STUPID BITCH IS JUST WAITING ON QUEUE..
"Hi, there, barbara! how's ur day!"
"fine."
"great. so, how may i help u?"
"i want to cancel my flyt."
"lemme help u then. can i have ur itin #."
"i don't have it. can u locate it for me?"
"sure, that's not a problem. can i have ur e-mail addy so i can look up ur record here on my end?"
"don't have it either.."
..fyi: her tone of voice was so morose u'd think i'm the one who owes her a favor
"so, what do u have there? u have ur tel # associated with ur account with us?"
"bullshit! why can't u just locate my flyt using my name???"
...like she's the only one who has the name barbara whatever in the whole world...and yes, did i mention our flyts r international so our membership is worldwide?...
I DON'T MISS BEING PUT UNDER QA..
I DON'T MISS HAVING TO FILE FOR A PTO EVEN IF MY BRONCHITIS IS CAUSING ME TO INHALE WITH DIFFICULTY
I DON'T MISS THE EMOTIONAL TORMENT OF TALKING TO BOSSY AMERICANS..
I DON'T MISS WAITING IN VAIN FOR A PINOY CUSTOMER TO POP UP

..but hey, i heard they're giving out a 40K xmas bnus..wow..

mas malaki sa amin..sa mahal kong NESTLE pilipinas!

looking back...

i posted this in pro-lovecomm (yahoo group in college)nov 16, 2004...la lang, nahan lang ko i-post pud sa akong blog..hehe, ga-work pa ko ani sa PS..(changes: i'm just a 3-hr drive away from my hometown, my school is very POPULAR here, closer na jud ko sa ako family karon! wala'y pag bag-o: hehe d jud ilado ako course dah!, ug well, di jud cguro mi pwede! laki man kaha iya type!) read on..
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
you see, i'm starting to love myself more..
who could have thought that i could really achieve such feat!!
yes, it's an achievement..

i love my home town. you can leave me anywhere in the city and i sure
can find my way back home. i know which route to choose, which
vehicle to ride, which place to go. i can tell you a lot about my
place and there's still a lot more to tell after i pause to catch
some air. and while my hometown continues to flourish, the changes
that are happening to it just make it more and more strange. and i'm
afraid that when the time comes that i have to go home, my home no
longer is...

i love my school. it made me the person that i am today. i am so
proud of my school that you can't talk about your school without me
sharing something about my school that will definitely shut you up!
yes, my school is the best school for me. who cares if your from
harvard? i am from xavier. and now i'm here in a place which houses
schools i don't even know existed. and i'm missing the familiarity of
my school...

i love my course! my decision to take up philosophy is one of the
best decisions i've made so far. i can't help but tell everyone who
asks about my course how beautiful it is, and i don't care if you
frown in disbelief or sigh in awe..my course is the best course there
is. now, i'm sorrounded by people who don't even know that there is
such course--or who doesn't give a damn. and i can't brag about my
course anymore because all those people who would frown in disbelief
or sigh in awe are no longer there...and i'm starting to give a damn.

i'm in love with someone. for two years now i've been in love with
the same guy. we finished the same course and pursued law after
graduation. he is still in law school while i am starting to miss
reading those law cases (that really sucked before.) he is still
answering legal questions in law classes thrown by arrogant lawyer-
teachers while i'm starting to forget the feeling of being thrown a
stupid legal question and giving the same-level-of-stupidity answer.
and yes, i miss him.

i love my family. yes, i do. my family is the last air i'd like to
breath when the time comes that i must stop breathing. but things in
life just have to make me decide. i've made my decision and the fruit
of which is starting to face me; creating doubts and confusions.
i'm working in a place far from home--and home is where my family is.
to wrap it neatly, i left my family.
christmas is coming and all i could do is to hum that ol' christmas
song i used to hum years before without any feelings. that song talks
about spending christmas away from your family. now, that i'm gonna
spend christmas time alone, the song exudes with meaning i never
thought existed!

things have changed...i'm alone but not really. memories will never
leave me unless i stop remembering. but remembering only makes me
feel more alone. and the feeling of being alone makes me get stuck up
in one corner. and being stuck up in one corner will defeat my self-
esteem. and when my self-esteem is gone, then i'm gone too..

but i'm loving myself more! you see, i've conquered my fears. i've
left the comfort zone behind. i'm seeing things in a bigger
perspective. life is bigger--and i can now see that bigger picture of
life. and i'm happy.
i am ms. independence. i am free.

...LAW SCHOOL...

...i so envy them...
so, money doesn't matter, huh?
damn it! it does!!!!
but, well..i'm happy for you, guys! now ur approaching ur 3rd yr of affixing ur IDs with LLB..and me? not much to offer..i just happen to be a non-commuter now...i can really feel the 'gasoline problem'...i travel a lot now...i have my own money..i settle my own finances...i am almost ms. independent..heheh...
and yes, i'm going back to law school..am gonna be a lawyer..a successful lawyer...and ...i'm going to be happy!!! c u all in the courtroom..hehe..(but ei, our plan of putting up our own law firm still stand, does it?)
i miss u, et als!

I MISS CEBU

...that's all...

THE BARE TRUTH OF WORKING LIFE

seriously now..

for once, after my years of being just an spectator in school, i've finally found myself--living. being the actor that i should be in this drama called life..
for once, after so many complaints and pointing a bad finger at someone else--at times, at my own self, i've finally found myself--breathing. pumping precious oxygen into my 'ideals-filled' air bags.
for once, after so many years of theories, i've finally found myself--acting. doing things i never thought i could do--or would do. but i did.
for once, after so many failures, i've finally found myself achieving..affirmed. recognized. savoring the sweet scent of victory made possible by the pungent smell of losing.
and i realized: living is the only way to survive.u breathe the air of maturity and respond to the call of 'adulthood.' that daring to survive sometimes means going against traditions; preconceived notions; challenging the status quo; but accepting the FACT that u r IN A SOCIETY--you are because u r affirmed to be...and that others may not always see ur point, accept u, may not even know of ur existence. but u r there. and u knw that. that knowledge is ur stepping stone. i am here. i am different. i am. and because i dared to live, i took the risk. as a mother took the risk of dying when she is giving birth. failures. hardships. NORMAL. there r no shortcuts to victory. the only way to survive is to be there. know ur there. cherish the unfolding of life. experience. live. open ur eyes. hear. taste. feel. see. understand.
because there r things u take forgranted but would have given u that BIG BREAK had u taken the chance of giving it a second glance.

images

...soon...

...already...

...planning...

...searching...

REASONS

Gadamer in Cartoon Network

i love cartoon films. how much satisfaction do i get out of these films? just so much. i see them as a break. a break from the heavy issues of life. it's so easy watching cartoon films--no heavy feelings, no mind-buggling conversations, no puzzling endings. it's like seeing all the connections in just one look, i need no second glance. cartoon films are really for kids--and maybe, just maybe, that's the reason why i'm still drawn to it. i want that feeling of being a kid again.
and i guess it's not just me. what started out as cartoon films bloomed to fantasy series. harry potter? lord of the rings? the evolution of man's journey to a fantastical hermeneutics from the minds of the authors who maybe are dead tired of what reality can offer. i wish i could see that view they so much enjoy so i could create my own world even for just a little while. definitely they gather their materials from the now and the here. but you know what's so amazing? where they put these materials.
i don't know if i actually am getting it right. but i can see something out of this bloom of fantasy films: a tapestry of imaginations. fantasy films are made up of beautiful imaginations, an interpretation of life as it is right now: unromantic. from that interpretation man creates his own world, a romantic one, a magical world that the sciences of the time cannor offer. man goes beyond as he oftentimes does but still is grounded to the reality he so much wants to subvert.
if i did understand hans georg gadamer, he is opinion that there is knowledge in tradition. a preceding consensus that is so strong, a pre-understanding of life.
we esperience this. we are always left behind when we tend to create changes. this maybe the reason why some men would tend to release their own understanding through the tunnel of artistic system which, at least the majority, can grasp as simply an expression. there may be contestation even in the realm of art but a stronger paradigm reigns and it clouds artistic forms of expression away from the self-affirmed moralists who have the tendency to see things in black and white.
cartoon and fantasy films always end with a happy ending. a happy ending that echoes everyone's deep longing for a life worth living. a daylight, after all life's troubles. the prevalence of the fantasy films we have, although commercialized by the business sector, is an abbreviated book of comments and a dream of a happy life.
and although we try to go beyond the now and the here, a pre-conceived notion of something already exists even before we get to make a judgment. and this pre-conceived notion resonates, constantly reaching us. our experiences in life serve as biases and bases whenever we encounter something. it's not that j.k. rawling or tolkien experienced the magical world of harry potter or frodo; rather, they've experienced this life we all have and from that came out an unlimited flow of magic they tried to convey through a limited language. it is throgh experiencing the world that we become prejudiced. "prejudices," says gadamer, "are not necessarily unjustified and erroneous, so that they inevitably distort the truth...prejudices, in the literal sense of the word, constitute the initial directedness of our whole ability to experience." our prejudices become our pre-understanding when we interpret or create something. even our own creations entail in them our biases. our whole ability to experience is pre-conditioned by our historicity.
past heartache, for example, either makes us doubtful of a new romance, or clamour for it in an attempt to make it last. it is because "we are possessed by something and precisely because of it we are opened up for the new, the different, the true."
i hope i am not distorting gadamer's thought in saying that even if we go that far, we still carry with us footprints of a certain experience. a certain horizon still limits us that no matter how beautifully clad our fantasy films may be, even if a lot may see them as another world out there that we would like to be in, we cannot deny that 'the world we have here' is still immanent in that 'another world out there.' "there can be no doubt that the great horizon of the past, out of which our culture and our present live, influences us in everything we want, hope for, or fear.."
everything is hermeneutics. hermeneutics is everywhere. even in a computer-generated fantasy film, there can still be room for interpretation. a film, or any work of art for that matter, is an interpretation. it's being a form of art, however, must not be an excuse for it to be untouchable. it's not just in documentary films that you can ask what is being omitted. the presence of violence in fantasy films can be concealed, but cannot be hidden. there is so much head-cutting in fantasy films, so much blood-shedding, so much grieving. but the unquestioning audience can easily let these things go unnoticed or take them as 'normal' because come what may, the film will end happily: the good shall prevail. question it and you will see an 'exasperated look and hear the phrase "IT'S JUST A MOVIE"
what started as an escape from the real world, a noble way of reaching for the beyond, is fast becoming a mirror of the human situation. how much can we transcend, really?
...i'm about to play "the little mermaid" for the nth time around..who knows what answer i can give..

1stwEekOfdMontH

HOUSEMATE
He was simply a housemate. maybe he tried to reach out to me...maybe he wanted me to be a 'friend.' i don't know why i didn't even bother. believe me, i'm kindda friendly. i'm cool. well, we are in good terms..but not really that good. we talk, yes. a little hi and hello and that's it. not much conversation; not much to offer. it stayed that way.
we occupy the two bedrooms at the 2nd storey of a two-storey house. hence, we're housemates. we share the same rest room and we have the entire storey of the house for ourselves. he frequents the terrace while i junk myself in my room. among the two of us, he's closer to the owners of the house, while he mingles with them downstairs, i rot myself upstairs. and i don't know why. i already had plans then of boarding somewhere else. he is no menace. i always am the first one to use the rest room during mornings; he cleans the house while i spread dirt on it; he helps me in carrying my heavy stocks in and out of the house. he is also a gentleman...checking on me every now and then...
but with all his kindness, i didn't even stir. it stayed that way up to the day i packed my things and moved out.
monday morning, 1st day of October. i went back to my old 'house'to get my remaining things. no one was there. strange. that house is never 'alone'. i still have the keys with me so i was able to get inside. the house was messy. bedroom doors were left opened showing beds unkempt. the whole house--was sad. i went to my stock room (i rented two rooms, one in the 1st storey, and another upstairs.) i only got two boxes of my stocks and i decided to go. i don't know what's with the place. it's eerie. i didn't like the air. it felt so heavy. and as much as i wanna go upstairs, something within me keeps on saying no. and i was the ever obedient master.
and then it happened. monday afternoon, 1st day of October. i received a call about his accident--and his death!
images of him flashed even when i'm trying to get some sleep. and i finally realize why i didn't allow myself to get close to him...maybe this is the reason why. maybe.
i can't imagine how it would have been had i not transferred..we have adjacent rooms..i can still hear his voice..and it hit me: that heavy feeling i had that morning while i was inside the house we used to occupy. i shivered. i thought i'm having a fever. it was odd.
i was the first one to live in that house; his room was first offered to me but i declined; i was the first one to meet an accident (thank god, nothing happened) while we were still living in that house; and i was the first one to move out. i was the first. what if i was second and he was first? would i have been the one 13 feet below the ground right now?
but maybe it was really his time, if there is such a thing. all i know is death is as normal as life. we just play favorites.

alone again...

To think that only yesterday
I was cheerrful
bright and gay
looking forward to well who wouldn't do
the role I was about to play
but as if to knock me down
reality came around
and without so much
as a mere touch
cut me into little pieces
leaving me to doubt talk about
god in his mercy who if
he really does exist
why did he desert me in my hour of need
I truly am indeed
alone again naturally.

It seems to me that there are more hearts
broken in the world that can't be mended
left unattended what do we do what do we do
alone again naturally.

FLING

[Danny]Summer lovin' had me a blast

[Sandy]Summer lovin' happened so fast

[Danny]I met a girl crazy for me

[Sandy]Met a boy cute as can be

[Both]Summer days driftin' away, to uh-oh those summer nights

[Everyone]Uh Well-a well-a well-a huh

[Thunderbirds]Tell me more, tell me more

[Doody]Did you get very far?

[Pink Ladies]Tell me more, tell me more

[Marty]Like does he have a car?

[Everyone]Uh-huh uh-huh uh-huh uh-huh

[Danny]She swam by me, she got a cramp

[Sandy]He ran by me, got my suit damp

[Danny]I saved her life, she nearly drowned

[Sandy]He showed off, splashing around

[Both]Summer sun, something's begun, but uh-oh those summer nights

[Everyone]Uh well-a well-a well-a huh

[Pink Ladies]Tell me more, tell me more

[Frenchy]Was it love at first sight?

[Thunderbirds]Tell me more, tell me more

[Kenickie]Did she put up a fight?

[Everyone)Uh-huh-uh-huh-uh-huh-uh-huh

[Danny]Took her bowling in the arcade

[Sandy]We went strolling, drank lemonade

[Danny]We made out under the dock

[Sandy]We stayed out 'till ten o'clock

[Both]Summer fling, don't mean a thing, but uh-oh those summer nights

[Everyone]Uh well-a well-a well-a huh

[Thunderbirds]Tell me more, tell me more

[Putzie]But you don't gotta brag

[Pink Ladies]Tell me more, tell me more

[Rizzo]Cos he sounds like a drag

[Everyone]shoo-bop bop, shoo-bop bop, shoo-bop bop,shoo-bop bop, shoo-bop bop, shoo-bop bop, shoo-bop bop, YEH

[Sandy]He got friendly, holding my hand

[Danny]While she got friendly down in the sand

[Sandy]He was sweet, just turned eighteen

[Danny]Well she was good you know what I mean

[Everyone]Woah!

[Both]Summer heat, boy and girl meet, but uh-oh those summer nights

[Everyone]woo, woo, woo

[Pink Ladies]Tell me more, tell me more

[ Jan]How much dough did he spend?

[Thunderbirds]Tell me more, tell me more

[Sonny]Could she get me a friend?

[Sandy]It turned colder - that's where it ends

[Danny]So I told her we'd still be friends

[Sandy]Then we made our true love vow

[Danny]Wonder what she's doing now

[BothSummer dreams ripped at the seams,
bu-ut oh, those su-ummer nights....

[Everyone]Tell me more, tell me more

Frenchy: Men are rats, listen to me, they're fleas on rats, worse than that, they're amoebas on fleas on rats. I mean, they're too low for even the dogs to bite. The only man a girl can depend on is her daddy

Danny: [singing] I got chills / They're multiplyin' / And I'm losing control / Cause the power you're supplying / It's electrifyin'.

for real?/or, sour graping?

What do you get when you fall in love?
A guy with a pin to burst your bubble
That's what you get for all your trouble.
I'll never fall in love again.
I'll never fall in love again.

What do you get when you kiss a guy?
You get enough germs to catch pneumonia.
After you do, he'll never phone you.
I'll never fall in love again.
I'll never fall in love again.

Don't tell me what is all about,
'Cause I've been there and I'm glad I'm out,
Out of those chains, those chains that bind you
That is why I'm here to remind you

What do you get when you fall in love?
You get enough tears to fill an ocean
That's what you get for your devotion.
I'll never fall in love again.
I'll never fall in love again.

What do you get when you fall in love?
You only get lies and pain and sorrow.
So, for at least until tomorrow,
I'll never fall in love again!
I'll never fall in love again!

SOULMATES///3

i'm fond of this topic..actually, just now..guess it's the product of waiting for so long and not knowing enough if there really is anyone coming..it's like your stranded in an island and a lot has already tried to help you out and yet were unsuccessful. and you have no idea if you still can get out of that island or dwell there forever..
it's a paradigm. a sense of belief..a thinking that someone is out there for you..but have a closer look..say, i believe that someone is out there for me an all i gotta do is wait...and it so happen that this someone really exists but we have the same belief: that someone is also out there for him and all he's gotta do is wait! imagine the two of us waiting for each other...it's like i am waiting for this bus ride in this certain bus station and yet this particular bus is just waiting for me in another station..
is it really a waiting game or a finder's keeper?
what if i've spent all my life waiting and waiting and waiting and not doing anything abut my life because i am so sold to this idea that all i gotta do is WAIT!
i admit, i'm missing someone in my life right now..i don't know who he is but i will know who he is..the feeling that i have is the same feeling fueling me to go about and search for him and stop the waiting game.
i'm tired of waiting...is it about time to go on and find him? wherever..whenever...whatever...however...
where is he...where is he..where is he?
where is this beautiful guy?
who is he? who is he?
whose gonna take me so high?

i made it...finally..
how is it really to have the kind of work that i have?
difficult...exciting..draining...
at the end of the day im just totally wasted..
driving alone...doing your stuff alone...working alone..

i dunno how to express this...sure i'm one lucky girl//
'stable' (career-wise) at the age of 21..i get to buy things i only dreamt
of before..commuting is finally out of my routine..am i happy?

is being 'successful' a benchmark for happiness..or is it the other way around?
am i happy because i'm successful or am i successful because i'm happy..?

u know, it's thought provoking...i wonder how i hunger so much for satisfaction when in fact it will never come to be..i'll never be contented..

and i hate it..

//soulmates_2

..i finally found the song i can really relate with..

Where Are You?


[J. Roman]

I know you out there baby
So where?

There's someone out there for me...
I know she's waiting so patiently
Can you tell me her name?
This life long search is gonna drive me insane

How does she laugh, how does she cry,
What's the color of her eyes,
Does she even realize I'm here?....

Where is she?
Where is she?
Where is she?
Where is this beautiful girl?

Who is she?
Who is she?
Who's gonna complete my world?

Where is she?
Where is she?
Where is this beautiful girl?

Who is she?
Who is she?
Who's gonna complete my world?

La la la la la la la.. la la la la laaa.. La la la la la la la..

[Soluna]

I'm starin out at the sky...
Prayin' that he will walk in my life
Where is the man of my dreams?
Yeah...
I'd wait forever, how silly it seems

How does he laugh, how does he cry,
What's the color of his eyes,
Does he even realize I'm here?....

Where is he?
Where is he?
Where is he?
Where is this beautiful guy?

Who is he?
Who is he?
Who's gonna take me so high?

Where is he?
Where is he?
Where is this beautiful guy?

Who is he?
Who is he?
Who's gonna take me so high?

La la la la la la la.. la la la la laaa.. La la la la la la la..

[J. Roman]

Where are you...?
There's someone out there for me...

[Soluna]

There's someone out there for me...

[J. Roman]

I know she's waiting so patiently..

[Soluna]

So patient...

[J. Roman]

Can you tell me her name?

[Soluna]

Can you tell me his name?

[J. Roman]

This life long search is gonna drive me insane

[Soluna]

How does he laugh, how does he cry,
What's the color of his eyes?
Does he even realize I'm here?....

[J. Roman]

Where is she?
Where is she?
Where is she?
Where is this beautiful girl?

Who is she?
Who is she?
Who's gonna complete my world?

[Soluna]

Where is he?
Where is he?
Where is this beautiful guy?

Who is he?
Who is he?
Who's gonna take me so high?

[Together]

La la la la la la la.. la la la la laaa.. La la la la la la la..

[J. Roman]

(Yeah...I know you're out there...)

[Together]

La la la la la la la.. la la la la laaa.. La la la la la la la..

[J. Roman]

Where are you?
I'ma look all over the world baby
Cuz I know you're out there
I know it might sound crazy...
But I love you
La la la la la la la..

soulmates//

i miss him..well, i do hope it's a him..romantically shading the emptiness within me..
well, yes, i do miss him.. he's been away for far too long..and the space he left keeps me from finding that so called inner peace..unless he is there, there won't be any peace in me.i will always hunger..i will always want..my heart will forever be restless..
for he is the only one who can fill that empty space..because that has been his' eversince..and no one can take that away from him..
i was born with him..we got separated after..henceforth i woke up in this world looking for him..and he has remained elusive..i haven't found him still..many times i thought i did..many times i got disappointed..
but i know he is just there..now i don't know what to do..should i just wait--or continue my search?
will he recognize me? will he know me? will he want me still? i do hope the answer is yes..for i will know him..i'll know him the moment i lay my eyes on him..and i do really want him still..

//chances

You give your hand to me And then you say hello
And I can hardly speak My heart is beating so
And anyone can tell You think you know me well
But you don't know me

No you don't know the one Who dreams of you at night
And longs to kiss your lips Longs to hold you tight
Oh I am just a friend That's all I've ever been
Cause you don't know me

I never knew the art of making love
No my heart aches with love for you
Afraid and shy I let my chance go by
The chance that you might love me too

You give your hand to me And then you say goodbye
I watch you walk away beside the lucky gal
Oh you will never know The one who loves you so
Well you don't know me

You give your hand to me And then you say goodbye
I watch you walk away beside the lucky gal
Oh you will never know The one who loves you so
Cause you don't know me
Oh no you don't know me
OOhh...you don't know me

2ndJob

life so far: AN apple a day keeps the_____away..but, really, with my job, it doesn't keep the doctor away! it even invites midwives, nurses, health workers..hilots..yeah, hilots.

want a piece of it?

Week 1

Monday: Wake up at 7am..shower..txt..txt..call..call..waahh it's 8:30??? make up..get my car keys..stuff my stocks..beep beep! car racing, anyone? hehe..joke lang po..actually, i'm a care..full,, driver..heheh..ask my mom!..see doctors..midwives..parameds..search for cute guys driving big cars in aclean and green valencia scene..deatil..detail..pa-cute dito, pa-cute jan.."Oi, jo-ann sponsor mo naman plane tickets ko..",,,there goes my doctor..cge, doc, tickets to hell..este, cge doc, ask ko bisor ko ha.."ay, u ask pa ur boss?"..u want me to go ballistic once she reads my expenses?
visit markets.."oh, may NTO bah? bakit konti lang manong..ano ba mas mabenta?" lintik na BBB yan..Baboy!Baboy!Baboy! eh, ang NHA namin, ok ba ang sales? naga-move bah? "dili man kayo mam..mahal man jud!" unsay mahal!! gwapo sad kayo na bah..i-compare ra jud c long mejia kay brad pitt! i-compare ra jud c angelina jolie nako! huh!

Tuesday: Wake up at 5:00am..i wonder how my body does it..u know, having no routine waking up hour..check my wallet..ok pa maka-cover pa ko..Malaybalay, here i come! go to the world and multiply sales!...giatot, wala na man FM station diri oi..guba pa jud ako tape player..talk about malas..dinner me with doctor later..check wallet.."Lord, c doc ra unta muabot..palihug lang lord.."..."hi, jo-ann..oi, okay lang ba if i bring my family?" ... unsa doc..family?> NASAYUD KA BA PILA LANG AKONG BUDGET????? UNYA, PAG-INVITE NAKO NIMO NI-MENTION BA KO UG FAMILY@! "sure, doc..no problem.." patyon jud ko CDG ani..

Wednesday: Wake up at 4:30 am..check my stocks..okay pa..heading for Quezon,,diretso na lang kaha ko davao..syeett, kadayawan ra ba..naa pa ko pang-gas//ok pa..mabuhi pa ko.."hi, te!! musta na man mo diri sa center?" ... "mam, talagsa ra lagi ka diri.." once a month ra baya ko te ha kay dili baya lalim mag-drive ug pila ka-oras para lang mag-cover ug lima ka tao.."lagi te oi..ga-mingawon gani ko ninyo!" Luod!

Thursday: wake up at 5:00am..go to the world and multiply sales by 7am.."mam!! naa ka dala items?" unsa pag-tuo nimo nako, santa claus? kainis.."of course, te! para sa inyo, naa jud ko dala! lakas jud mo nako.." atong Nto, lakas pud bah?

Friday: No more guts to wake up.."ma, naa ka money diha? pautang.." bwisit na reimbursement bakit wala pa???

Saturday: "mam, wala ta outing?" "Mam tin, wala pa ako budget?"

Sunday: Lord..akng budget..

Week 2:

Monday: Go to the bank..check money..my god, where is thy money? "bets, naa ka money diha?" "wala jud manang">.."manong, pautang beh.." "wala pud, manang.."

"ate, pautang?"

Tuesday: "mam, kanus-a man ta meeting utro?" hah? "Mam jo, naa na ato budget..la na ko pang-lecture mam.." ako pud..pwede di sa ta kaila karon?

Wednesday: "Hi, jo-ann! openning ng clinic namin ngayon..punta ka ha.." heheh, if i know u want something.."sure, doc! congrats doc ha!".."jo, baka naman u can sponsor the aircon..." anong aircon! mag-electric fan ka na lang! "boss, aircon daw.." "cge, CAV ka.." "doc, ok na! will sponsor ur a/c" lintek!

Thursday: Where is my CAV? "mam, my CAV.." tawag accounting..no approval yet..bwisit!

Friday: do u know what's the meaning of life after death?

Saturday: ano,..u know nah?

Sunday: u still don't know? my god, ur so bobo!!!

Week 3:

Monday: Cover..deathtail..heheh detail diay..

Tuesday: Kinsa magpahulam pang-gasolina?

Wednesday: wala jud magpahulam?

Thursday: maluoy mo..

Friday: hay, gasto na pud personal money.,.

Saturday: wala na bisan personal money

SUnday: kinsa lagi kabalo life after death?

Week 4

Monday: la lagi sulod ako wallet..isa na ni ka-bulan..y ngano bakit?

Tuesday: pls pls naa na unta reimbursement..

Wednesday: pls..plss

Thursday: pls...pl

Friday: Pls..

Saturday: Ma,pautang beh..

Sunday: ma, kadawat ka sa ako text?

------------------------------------------------

all brand new//

"Crazy For You"

Swaying room as the music starts
Strangers making the most of the dark
Two by two their bodies become one

I see you through the smokey air
Can't you feel the weight of my stare
You're so close but still a world away
What I'm dying to say, is that

[Chorus:]

I'm crazy for you
Touch me once and you'll know it's true
I never wanted anyone like this
It's all brand new, you'll feel it in my kiss
I'm crazy for you, crazy for you

Trying hard to control my heart
I walk over to where you are
Eye to eye we need no words at all

Slowly now we begin to move
Every breath I'm deeper into you
Soon we two are standing still in time
If you read my mind, you'll see

[chorus]

It's all brand new, I'm crazy for you
And you know it's true
I'm crazy, crazy for you

tall tales

i don't know what to write..i just want to blog..there's not much to say..

bitchy bitchy bitchy!

i hate her!
i hate HER!

SHE is a bitch..
she thinks she's sexy
BUT SHE'S NOT!

she thinks she's cool
BUT SHE'S NOT

she thinks she's good
BUT SHE'S NOT

i hate her so..
i hate her so..

CraZy4U!

i like the way spongecola arranged that old hit madonna song. nice.

anyways..

i have a plan. it's called cherrypop! heheh, dratz! what is this all about?

i'm a 6month old baby in an expose&exlore stage! tis the season to be jolly, falalaallalahh...hello, it's the end of the martyrdom era with a 'manang' attitude!

at first, i didn't like the idea..imagine shifting paradigms? difficult. hmmm, i dunno what led me to that plan..maybe it's chara's fault! heheh (charie's gonna kill me..she's such a strong influence..actually, i mean bad..hahaha..naughty charie.)

is it really still a big deal? or is it now a taboo? whatever.

sometimes i hate the fact that i know a little about a lot of things..surely, ignorance somtimes is a bliss.

CraZy4U!!! touch me once and you'll know it's true..i never wanted anyone like this..it's all brand new..you'll feel it in my kiss..i'm crazy for u!!!!
yeah, man!!

well...

i remember when i was just a kid, i used to dream of fast cars and ruggedly handsome guys! i will ride big bikes chasing machos around; i'll be wearing skimpy clothes, leaving only a few to the imagination...that dream never materialised..well, not yet.

my life so far is not a re-created cinderella story..i believe, i'm more of the Sleeping Beauty..i sleep while the world revolves, oblivious, but actually, just scared.

who says life is not scary? it frightens me every now and then..reality bites, reality is larger than me. well, life isn't that tragic, though, just scary..that's why i love scary movies because after the curtains fall, the scary stuff ends. and that's it. life, the scary stuff never ends..even if you think it has ended, it will eventually surprise you..

life has its own pace..if you're not a good runner, you won't catch up..it will leave you behind..i haven't heard anyone say life is tooo long. life is short because it has its own speed..and if you're acting like a "horse in a grand prix" (lemme quote that ad)you'll end up chasing life forever..there are things you should have done but have forgotten to do, or chosen not to do. and thus, regrets.

i don't run well..i only dream of big bikes and fast cars, but in reality, my speed limit won't qualify me for a car race.i don't have the body to wear skimpy clothes..i don't have that "sex appeal" to tease macho guys until they fall under my spell.

i am still the sleeping beauty.i sleep while others witness how the world works..i sleep soundly as others chase life's speed..i sleep..waiting..hoping..that somehow, just somehow, the world will finally smile at me. life will finally be fair.

and i guess, it won't happen. No, it won't happen. but i am so afraid to wake up. the grass is green, the wind is crisp..birds are singing their morning repertoire..but i remain tucked in under my blankets, oblivious to the wonders of the world.

but i am ME..there can only be one ME in this world..and though the world won't stop revolving with my absence, i know to some it will..(hmmm)at some point in time, i know i have touched someone else's life..made my mark in this world..proven my point..expressed my ideas..

and maybe with my absence someone else will feel my presence..
i believe it's about time to hit the brakes and see life..feel life..the ideal world is too far away..i am living in the most possible world there is..i should get myself A LIFE. life is a wonder, i should be thinking..life is a show, i should be acting...life is an experience, i should start feeling, moving, starting to live.

and soon, life will be better..

leaving the dream behind..

some days

Once a upon a time, a princess was born. well, some would say she isn't such a beauty, but she grew up thinking that she was beautiful, and that brought out the beauty in her.
The princess woke up one day searching for something. it was as if she something was missing in her life that she had to go and search for it. out she went to the fields, the meadows, the mountains, the seas. and when finally she gave up, she found what she was looking for: it wasn't a something, it's a someone.
She followed the 'someone' whom she believed was a prince. very fitting for a princess like her. the prince was the most beautiful male she has ever seen..and she dreamt that one day they would end up together. she was so thrilled by the idea that she followed and followed the prince until she can see her kingdom no more...she got tired and sat down by the lake for a while to rest..as she was sitting down she heard voices..the happiest voices she's heard. she looked around and then saw where the voices are..there, she saw the prince, her prince, holding another princess' hand. she asked, how could someone else's happiness be someone else's despair? How could someone else's smile, be someone else's tear?
she started to walk back to her kingdom but nighttime came and so she slept in the forest. half-awake she heard a whistle. it was a melody..a flute, actually. she searched for it, and she saw a young man playing the music. She walked toward the young man and listened closely. she told herself, he could play the music to her forever and she'll never get bored..with the last note she clapped her hands in admiration..but then, there was also another pair of hands clapping.she saw the other pair of hands and realized it was another girl. the girl, he was playing the music to. how could the lovely music hurt her so? and an innocent clapping be like a drum beating her heart until it beats no more. Suddenly, there were raindrops; the couple walked away to look for shelter. she walked away washing her hurt with the rain.
She saw a little hut and ran towards it. She knocked a few times before the door was opened. a peasant. how could someone dressed in rugged clothes look like a god? She pleaded to stay for a night..the young man led her in..



..to be continued

view from Level 10 of Nestle Center at Rockwell 

Cowboy Cabin 1, Tagaytay Highlands 

THE NORTH MINDANAO DREAM TEAM!!! 

BIG FISH

i missed talking about nonsense..i miss smiling at people without the air of "business as usual" thing. but most of all, i miss thinking about deep thoughts..
i dont want to remember how life was in college..but forever it will remain in my heart..a part of me that time can never erase..the sadness of not directly applying the point of my college degree is overwhelming..here i am, challenging competition and holding on to the thin hope that somehow, i'll make it..here i am, trying to decipher sales figures and pressuring myself to let it be favorable to the company i have learned to accustom my self with.
here i am, talking about medicine and the profession and making my self believe that it is better off than that of legalities and the system of politics. here i am, winning a doctor's agreement instead of a judge's affirmation...and, yes, it hurts.
i guess man will never find himself. he will forever try to search for it. the IT of HIM. the IT of ME.
don't get me wrong, i love my job. i love waking up in the morning knowing that i have this job and am working for a company many would die for just to land a job.
it's just that--i don't see any connection. any necessary connection. but maybe life is really like this. A BAG OF SURPRISES. A BAG OF MYSTERY.
i should have taken nutrition or biology or any science-related subject or marketing perhaps..then maybe i wouldn't feel this hallow. philosophy really made a deep impact on my life. maybe i will wake up to my final morning still reminiscing those days i was given the chance to teach.
maybe i really am not meant to be an educator the way socrates was to plato or plato was to aristotle. but i sure don't need a room or a university to profess my love for one of the greatest gifts of man: wondering..
soon i'll know if i have lived a life worth living..
lord, i'm too young to wonder how life will end. but shouldn't i start wondering now?
my job is eating me out..and a minute of recollection is already a big blessing..while writing this, i am de-stressing myself. this is how i relax..but i hope not forever.
c'mon, tell me i make some sense.

USED TO BE...

Superman was killed in Dallas
There's no love left in the palace
Someone took the Beatle's lead guitar
Have another Chivas Regal
Your twelve years old and sex is legal
Your parents don't know where or who you are
Used to be the hero of the ball game
Took the time to shake the loser's hand
Used to be that failure only meant you didn't try
In a world where people gave a damn

Great big wars in little places
Look at all those frightened faces
But don't come here we just don't got the room
Love thy neighbor's wife and daughter
You cleanse your life with holy water
Hey we don't need to bathe we've got perfume
Used to be a knight in shining armor
Didn't have to own a shiny car
'Coz dignity and courage were the measure of a man
And not the drugs he needs to hide his scars

Can your teacher read
Does your preacher pray
Does your president have soul
Have you heard a real good ethnic joke today
Mama took her speed
And daddy ran away
But you mustn't lose control
(adlib)
You see the kids are wild we just can't tame 'em
Do we have a right to blame 'em

We fed them all our indecision
And raped their minds with television
But what the hell
They're too young to feel pain
But I believe that love will save tomorrow
I believe that truth will make us free
Someone tried to say it and we nailed him to a cross
I guess it's still the way it used to be

..melodies

The First Time
by Robin Beck

First time, first love
Oh what feeling is this
Electricity flows
With the very first kiss
Like a break in the clouds
And the first ray of sun
I can feel it inside
Something new has begun
And it's taking control
Of my body and mind
It began when I heard I love you

For the very first time
For the very first time

This life, this love
All the sweetness I feel
So mysterious yet
So incredibly real
It's an uncharted sea
It's an unopened door
But you gotta reach out
And you gotta explore
Even though you're not sure
Till the moment arrives
There he is and you know you're in love

For the very first time
For the very first time

And baby when I met you
Every feeling I had was new
I don't think there are words
To describe the sensation

It's an uncharted sea
It's an unopened door
But you gotta reach out
And you gotta explore
And when something happens
That words can't define
Only then do you know you're in love

For the very first time
For the very first time
For the very first time


***sigh***

if i could

wish i could finally sing that love song i've been dying to sing without chanting the lyrics..some of my colleagues think that it's about time..i do believe it's not a matter of timing..it will come..and, you know, sometimes you just can't really have the best of both worlds..

if i believe

**i love songs that express
deep affirmation that love
is the answer to a man's every question.
sometimes it's really a relief to just
stop doubting and start believing**

If I believed in paradise
I'd swear I must be there
I'd swear I must be there right now with you
If I believed in miracles
I'd know that one was happening to me
But if I don't believe in paradise
Then miracles aren't real
Then someone tell me what is this I feel

I wanna believe it's love this time
I wanna believe my heart's not telling me a lie
But with you I can't deny
if I believed in paradise
I'd swear I'm there

If I believed in magic spells
It all would be so clear
'Cause magic spells must have brought you here
If I could see the future
I'd see if you and I were meant to be
But I dont know any magic
And tomorrow's just a dream
But something in this fantasy is real

I wanna believe it's love this time
I wanna believe my heart's not telling me a lie
I wanna believe it's love this time
I wanna believe my heart's not telling me a lie
But with you I cant deny
If I believed in paradise
I'd swear I'm there

I'm there
I'm there
If I believed.

whew!

well, guess i'm in..and the GRAND QUESTOR at that..heheh
taas ng hair ko grabeh..
imagine, among the 50+ hopefuls only 4 of us made it to the final panel interview and only ME immerged victorious! well, that's something..another leaf on my hat (or cap ba yun?) duh, whatever
pero seriously now, i'm worried. i don't know why. maybe because i'm the only visayan-speaking alien there..hell, need some polishing re my tagalog. 1 year out of college and it seems like i don't know how to speak the language fluently anymore..
paano ba? conotic ba dapat? pero i like to speak in straight english eh..heheh
sabi nga ni chona "warever"

lyrics

Who'd have thought this is how the pieces fit
You and I shouldn't even try making sense of it
I forgot how we ever came this far
I believe we had reasons but I don't know what they are
Don't blame it on my heart, oh

Love moves in mysterious ways
It's always so surprising
When love appears over the horizon
I'll love you for the rest of my days
But still it's a mystery
How you ever came to me
Which only proves
Love moves in mysterious ways

Heaven knows love is just a chance we take
We make plans but then love demands a leap of faith
So hold me close and never never let me go
'Cos even though we think we know which way the river flows
That's not the way love goes, no

(Repeat chorus)

Like the ticking of a clock two hearts beat as one
But I'll never understand the way it's done, oh

(Repeat chorus)

Love moves... in mysterious ways....

ending

final panel interview. weird. intimidating. panelists. directions. where to? no idea. march 14. big day. someday soon. i'll be there. or may not be. lord.

shet, hadlok na ko...

huhuuhuh...4 na lang mi nabilin..bahak..unsa man ni oi! kadaghan jud steps..lord, ayaw na tawon ko ipa-3rd application please huhuhu..
hadlok na baya ko..
praypraypray
(oi, ngano la pa man calls?) bahak

CB

kailan pa ma'y ikaw
bweheheheh

[Intro:]
Ang pag-ibig ko'y tanging ikaw lamang
Ang puso kong ito ay para lang sa 'yo
Magpakailan ma'y hindi magbabago
Magpahanggang wakas, mananatili ka sa puso

[Chorus:]
Laging ikaw ang nasa isip ko
Ang buhay ko ay para sa 'yo
Tanging ikaw lamang ang iibigin
Kahit sa oras ng pagtulog ko
Ikaw pa rin ang panaginip
At kahit na kailan pa ma'y ikaw pa rin

'Di ko iisipin na mayro'ng hanggan
Pagmamahalan nati'y ganyan
Kung uulitin man ang buhay ko
Tanging ikaw pa rin ang nanaising makapiling

[Chorus:]
Laging ikaw ang nasa isip ko
Ang buhay ko ay para sa 'yo
Tanging ikaw lamang ang iibigin
Kahit sa oras ng pagtulog ko
Ikaw pa rin ang panaginip
At kahit na kailan pa ma'y ikaw pa rin

[Bridge:]
Ikaw ang buhay ko at pangarap
Pag-ibig ko lahat ng sandali


[Chorus:]
Laging ikaw ang nasa isip ko
Ang buhay ko ay para sa 'yo
Tanging ikaw lamang ang iibigin
Kahit sa oras ng pagtulog ko

[Chorus:]
Laging ikaw ang nasa isip ko
Ang buhay ko ay para sa 'yo
Tanging ikaw lamang ang iibigin
Kahit sa oras ng pagtulog ko
Ikaw pa rin ang panaginip
At kahit na kailan pa ma'y ikaw pa r

chara's favorite song

...and now, mine too


They ask me how I knew
My true love was true
I of course replied
"Something here inside
Cannot be denied"
They said "Someday you'll find
All who love are blind"
When your heart's on fire
You must realize
Smoke gets in your eyes
So I chaffed them and I gaily laughed
To think they could doubt my love
Yet today my love has flown away
I am without my love
Now laughing friends deride
Tears I cannot hide
So I smile and say
"When a lovely flame dies
Smoke gets in your eyes"

XpoSure

yey, i'm done na with the field exposure..kung swerte, makapadayon ko ug training.
ganahan ko sa job (heheh, igo ra man nuon ko nagsunod-sunod)
samok kayo ang mga doctors usahay kay gapanggamit na man ug medreps..pati ila flt tickets ipa-sponsor pah! pero well, ingana man jud..give and take man jud nah..
hehhe lipay kayo ko kay ang mga patients kay nestle products ang gagamiton; kagana jud ibalandra ako bag nga naa'y daku nga NESTLE bisan 2 days lang ko magpa-as if 'kapamilya' hehe
bitaw, nag-enjoy sad ko even if sakit ayo ako feet nilakaw, may na lang masaligan ako 'patos wala jud nagsakit ug ayo ako tiil..
nice kayo ako ka-work with nga medrep, tagan unta ko niya nice pud nga evaluation!
nalingaw ko bisan gamay ra ako role hehe
well, si lord na bahala sa tanan..kung feel niya mag-apply ko the third time around, hala sige uy, pabaga sa nawong..unsa ba'y mawala nako? (hoy, kaulaw pud oi!!)
eneweyz, di na ko balik PS..bahak to nga kompanya kagana ba jud pasakahan ug kaso sa Labor Committee..sayang, la ko ka-take up ug labor law..pangitaan jud nako ug bikil ang PS bah para makatuon ug lesson char
hay, ambot na lang...
kalibangon man sad ta ni hinulat sa results..

pasaway

dear team mates,
i know i'm the reason why our team had a straight 0% schedule adherence last week and this week. you must really think that i am such a pain in the ass but please, try to understand.
my brother didn't waste his blood and sweat sending me to college just for me to become a robot! and i didn't too! admit it, we are human answering machines! and this, definitely, is not me. i can't last for three more months in this company.
i thought answering phone calls as a job is not really that bad. it's the 'in' thing right now--but then, i realized, it's not my cup of tea.
mates, don't worry, i'm resigning anyway. and you'll have that 100% sched ad that you and our supervisor long for. well, as if its going to be possible--but at least i am not the culprit anymore.
some of you enjoy the job, some of you are just forcing yourselves. to tell you honestly, mates, we are still very young. let's not bury ourselves alive.
hey, i'm not trying to look for company (i have a lot, you know). i'm just concerned. i already witnessed some of you throwing your own things on the floor while on a call just to relieve yourselves of the stress and not be tempted to push the end button. i have witnessed a lot of you crying while on a call but managed to sound normal. i also have witnessed some of you really enjoying your work, loving every minute of our eight-hour job. and i do hope, if ever there'll be changes, it'll be for the better.
no job is easy. it wont be called a job if it's so much fun, right? but i believe that a job, no matter how difficult, skull-breaking, it is, if you love it, you'll enjoy it--and somehow, it ceases to be just a job, it becomes a dedication.
you have no idea what i went through, but i listened though when you, guys, told me that i shouldn't call it quits, yet. you told me everything is going to be fine. i did hope for that; it never came. i received good surveys from my callers and was able to hit our target call handling time during A-bay, and i must admit, i felt happy about it. but it didn't make any difference.
i tried to like, at least, the job. detaching myself from it. but i wasn't successful. this is not for me..
pero sige, mag-file sa ko ug leave. di sa ko mag-resign..kay you know, lisud na..huna-hunaon sa nako ug tarong ha kay lisud pud baya mangita ug trabaho..cge, mag-leave sa ko if maka-leave man kaha ko..sorry jud kung gahi kayo ako ulo. pero kung di pud bitaw gahi ako head, hagbay ra ko nagka-heart attack bah! di jud lami makig-story telling sa mga yatis nga kano. once in a blue moon ra ko makadawat ug call gikan sa pinoy..lami lugar ako layp? shet neber!

"what you put in coffee, even when there's milk around!"

heheh, karon pa nako isulti ang nahitabo..joker kayo..
ako, baga jud ko nawong, nag-apply na pud ko sa NESTLE!
ila na baya ko gi-jugsak sa una, apply na pud ko; and take note, the same position pa jud! oh, da bah! i'm so baga..pagsulod nako sa final interview ana dayon tong isa ka panelist "have we met?" HALA, kay naka-remember si manang! ing-ana jud lugar ko ka-remarkable katong nag-promote ko sa "MAGGI cup sarap!" kay kaila man siya nako..gana ba jud muingon nga "bakeri ko beh!" pero syempre, pa-cute lugar ko..ingon lang ko "yes, actually. this is my second time to apply for the same position. the last time was when i was still in CDO."

Panelist: Oh, i see.
ME: yes, ma'am. you see, i'm really interested. i work in a reputable call center industry right now, but i still am trying to be a part of the nestle team. (oh, di bah, chika kayo ko!)
Panelist#2: so, what time did your shift end?
ME: (syempre, pa-impress) oh, eight o'clock this morning. I haven't sleep yet, and Ms. Grace (HR sa cebu) knows that (sabay tingin kay ms. grace)\duh, ni-absent gani ko kay! bakakon kang daku, JS! bakakon ka!/
Ms. Grace (Panelist#3): yes. and she told me that's how interested she is.
all Pan's: (tango-tango)
ME: well, i have to endure the stress. right now, i know my friends are laughing at me for applying the second time around (bisan wala jud!!). and well, i'm even the laughing stock of my own family. my mom just called me up this morning teasing me for reapplying, she told me i must be so obsessed with nestle. i just told her, "ma, pinalaki niyo kaya ako sa NIDO." (bisan di jud ko gainum ug gatas! dah, i'm so haler!)
Panelists: hahahahha
ME: bwehehehe

pero ga-kurog jud ko. imagine, ikaduha na nako apply for the same position and company; please lang ayaw na ko ninyo pa-aplaya the third time around kay grabeh na kayo kabaga ako nawong if ever!

so, after 5 or 10 minutes man cguro to, gawas na ko. wala ko sultii kung kanus-a ko tawagan, nagtuo na lang ko nga 2 weeks pud kay ma-o man ang gisulti sa ako mga kauban. after 2 days man cguro to: krrnnngg!! giahak, di ko gusto mutubag! basin ignan na pud ko "sorry, try again!!!" waaaahhhhh hilak hilak na ko kay kulba na pero sige, hinga malalim.."hello, thank you for calling. This is..." ay, sayup. wala man diay ko opis (see, robot na jud ko!)
me: hello? (ets the ind of the werld)
ms.Grace: hello, jo-ann. when will you be free next week?
me: you want me to resign, maam?? (aw, di diay ma-o ako tubag) right: i'll be free on friday and saturday, ma'am.
ms.Grace: i see. can you make it this thursday, too? you'll be having your field exposure.
me: (FIELD EXPOSURE??? REJOICE!PANTENE!PALMOLIVE! meaning, work with? hahaha, promoted na ko..di na ko final interview queen, pang-clinician na pud ako beauty!!!)
oh, ok, ma'am. i'll just file for a leave on thursday. (uhhmm, pwede ra jud nako absenan..absenot ra ba kayo ko..ma-terminate na jud ko ani sa PS i loove you!)

so, ma-o na ni siya karon. mag-field ko karon thurs-fri..da bah, sosyal! pero gakurog pa gihapon intawon ko..ngano lisud man jud ang layp, oi???
pero happy na rin ako kay natagaan ko ug chance mahimong clinician bisan dili jud sure if madawat ko..hadlok ko oi, basin after 3 months mag-apply na pud ko utro (Lord, oi! palusuta na lang jud ko beh! sige na pleasssee...)

haayyy, ambot na lang. bahala na..di na jud ko mag-expect kay basin ignan na pud ko ug "apply ka na lang ulit sa branch namin sa Iloilo hhehe" HEHEHEHE! ambot!

and just to let you know, dili na maggi ako product, COFFEEMATE nah! sosyal na ko...ambot ambot ambot ambot! lord, deal ta..if madawat ko, madawat ko. if dili ko madawat, dili ko madawat. deal? sige, deal..

almost over..

they call it leap of faith, i call it honesty..pero teka, ba't ako nag-iingles? suka'ng-suka na ko sa ingles..sige,day, bisaya ang gamita..
ma-o na to, ila'ng tawag, ambak sa pagtuo, ako'ng tawag, uhmm, hehhe honesty..dah, la ko balo bisaya sa honesty..
katong ga-iskwela pa ko..stop it! go english!
when i was still a college student, i've always told myself that im not getting a job for punishment..i want a job that i will enjoy..a job that will bring out the best in me..i don't want a job that will bore my to death..
life was great in PS, then..our trainers did well in making me believe that i am in the best place with the coolest job in the world..so, i told myself, this must be it. my plan was simple then, work and study law at the same time.
when a-bay started, so did the problems..i was just so afraid to quit, i'm afraid of becoming a bum again..the future is a big unknown..ISA SIYA'ng MALAKING EWAN!
but now, i don't know..if i continue to pretend i don't know what's going to happen next. bahala na talaga c lord..
i really envy those who enjoy their job here in PS..they are so contented with what they have feeling ko tuloy masyado mataas tingin ko sarili ko para ayawan ang trabaho ko rito even if i know for sure that there a lot of people out there who would do everything just to get the job that i have. pero marami rin namang nag-resign na! it's not just going to be me..hindi naman sa nagmamalaki ako, pero can i blame myself kung ayaw ko talaga!!??? i literally drag myself to work not because i'm lazy but because i don't like the job.
sabi nga ni sir magtrayo, "stop pushing the issue, js."
i'm resigned! tapos na talaga..most of my batchmates are thinking na nahihirapan ako sa trabaho..haler! the job gets easier day by day kaya! ayoko lang talaga'ng maging robot..kaya kahit mag-offer ang PS ng P20,000 a month...hindi talaga ako mag-reresign!
joke, syempre magre-resign pa rin ako--after two years!

second chancer

hhehe, taking a chance again..
i dont know if this is going to work..
i haven't gotten any sleep yet..
i look like a vampy..duh, don't care at all..
well, if nothin happens..then nothing!
whatever..
i do have a fall back, why should i worry?
if i ain't gonna make it..then, the ____ with it.
i'm just taking one more chance...

waiting to exhale

dead serious! graveh, serious kayo ko sa ako career oi!
radiation effect lang siguro, pasensya nah..bwehehehe..i'm ruled by my zodiac gemini that's why i'm like this (blame it to astrology!)
my officemate told me last time that she no longer has natural tears..i was like, huh? natural tears? as in, you can cry no more? and she's like, yep..too much exposure to radiation..imagine, 8 hours of eye contact with a computer! as if naman i enjoy makipag-eye to eye sa bweset na computer na yon!
hay, balik trabaho na naman..gabi ang paningin ko ngayon. gabi kasi, maya-maya umaga na report na ko opis. here's my daily schedule (kung hindi ka ba naman ma-flip ay ewan ko na lang!)
8:00pm: magsi-sirko balentong na ko sa kama na napakalaki para sa kwarto'ng napakaliit..i'll look at my cp which also serves as my watch and sasabihin ko "maaga pa, tulog ka muna.." after 30 minutes debate time nah! hay, si right eh nagsasabing bumangon ka na, ganda! c left ay nagsasabing "mag-call in sick ka nah!" ang sarap sana'ng mag-call in sick..pero cyempre, c right ang pipiliin ko pagkatapos ng kalahating oras na pagmumuni-muni. AMBOT!
9:00pm: may i baba na ako sa lintek na double bed na kung bakit ba naman wala'ng hagdan! inat dito, inat there..suot ng gusot-gusot na damit na sing-gusot2x ng ulo ko..trying to fool myself na maganda pa rin naman ako kahit papano..
9:30pm: naog na ko sa balay..sa gawas kay naa'y fashion show sa mga bae ug laki na ewan kung ano'ng problema ng buhay ang dinadala at napagdiskitahang kulayan ng kung ano-ano ang buhok at..god, i hate that sight!..wear a pair of pants that could fit in three little pigs plus a wolf! sakyan mo pa!
10:00pm: hintay pa sa kalye ng jeep clutching my bag afraid na bigla na lang mawala sa paningin ko. pagkasakay ko ng jeep eh may i make a story na naman na sana bigla'ng magka-trapik (as if may traffic pa at that time!!) o kahit na ano'ng kadahilanan just for me to give a very valid reason why i have to call in late..worst scenario: sana mag-bug down lahat ng programs sa PS! ay, wala ako'ng kasing tuwa pag nangyari yon..
10:20pm: nothing gruesome happened. na sa pinakamalamig na parte na ako ng cebu (figuratively and literally)..ingay ng malalang inglesan ang maririnig mo pagkatapos mo'ng ipagkalat sa buong opffice na dumating ka na sa pamamagitan ng pagla-log in.
10:50pm: set up na my program..bweset, sangkaterba'ng ingles na naman ang ilalabas ko nito..10 minutes na lang at tatawag na ang kanuto'ng di marunong magbasa ng RULES and RESTRICTIONS at hahambalusin ka ng kung ano-ano'ng salita dahil 'i was charged 10 bucks!!' kung di ka ba naman ma-praning..
11:00pm: hay, hintay ka na ng 'toot' hinga ng malalim and give the standard spiel: "thank you for calling. my name is nadia. is there any reservation that i can help you with today?" simulan mo ng magdasal na sana ay dead air ang sumalubong sayo! ay, ang sarap makarinig ng dead air! eh, hindi dead air, alive and kicking ang pumasok! eto na naman po kami..lahat ba talaga ng kano ay di marunong magbasa at gumamit ng computer??? (iha, kung marunong sila ay wala ka'ng trabaho ngayon!!! hmmn, may point ka dyan..) maya-maya lang, kung swerte ka at hindi mo first call, may puting tatawag at papasadahan ka ng kung anitch-anitch lang naman dahil ba't ang kausap niya ngayon ay ubod ng bobo'ng pinoy at di maintindihan na ang gusto lang naman niya ay ang malibre sa bayad sa flight na pinili niya..at ako naman na saksakan nga ng bobo give ng standard spiel na 'i understand your situation..i know..yes..' hay, bin laden, naiintindihan na kita! kung pwede lang manaksak gamit ang boses, ang dami ko na sigurong puting napatay.
12:45am: salamat ng marami sa nag-imbento ng 15minute break. 'kakahinga ako ng maluwalhati...kung maswerte ako at wala'ng tawag sa schedule ng break ko...eh, kung 12:44 pa at biglang 'toot'..dead! sige, magpayaman ka, iha.
12:46am: balik sa trabaho..hintay ng tawag..
2:30am: never in my wildest dreams talaga na naisip ko'ng mag-lunch sa ganito'ng oras ng umaga..ewan! eto na siguro ang pinaka-weird na pangyayari sa maganda kong buhay: ang maniudto samtang ang katibuk-an sa pilipinas gahaguk!
3:31am: oi, balik ulit sa trabaho. isip na ko ng iba'ng mapapasukan haba'ng nagbabasa ng 'never give up messages' sa outlook (e-mail server namin)..hay, may tatanggap pa ba kaya sa abang tulad ko?? ba't ba kasi natuto pa kong mag-ingles?!!!
5:15am: wow, 15 minute break na ulit!
5:14am: wow, titigan na naman kami ni computer o! alam ko na ang magiging sakit ko pagkatapos na kontrata ko: eyes and ears breakdown, sasakyan pa siguro yan ng throat dsyfunction..di ko na nga makikita at maririnig ang future next BF ko, di ko pa siya masasabihan ng "BREAK NA TAYO!" wala na, handicapped na ako..
7:45am: unahan na kami ng mga ka-shift ko sa pagpindot ng button sa call master para hindi na kami pasukan ng call..hehe, galing ko talaga pag gulangan ang pag-uusapan.. i'm so proud of you, self!
8:01am: i made it!! haha, tapos na ang araw ko..oi, gabi na pala..uwi na ko..hirap talaga ng buhay sa tate!
8:30am:hapunan nah!! sarap ng hapunan ko, parang agahan..iba talaga ang buhay sa tate!! tsk tsk tsk
9:00am: atang na ug jip pauli sa bay..ang babango ng mga kasabay ko sa jip..bagong ligo lahat parang papunta pa lang sila sa office o di kaya ay papasok pa sa skul..habang ako ay haggard na haggard sila naman ay fresh na fresh..mapapaisip ako: saang planeta ba ko napunta??
9:30am:bording haws na ako..yes! pasok na sa banyo, ligo na, ilang catwalk pa sa makipot naming room..ZZZzzzzzz
8:00pm:gising nah!
8:01pm:matitiis ko pa kaya toh?
8:02pm:kaya mo yan, kid!
8:03pm:mag-japan na lang kaya ako?
8:04pm:ba't ang hirap mabuhay ng marangal?
8:05pm:may 30 minutes pa ko para itulog lahat ng agam2x at ka-chuvahan sa mundo..magandang umaga, po!

dead air

i got my one day leave approved! morose, unkempt, messy--i paraded all the little malls nearby--and yes, had my medical check up. something fishy is going on with my tummy and i already am feeling so harassed that a doctor's diagnosis is the least thing that i want! please, no scalpels!
i miss my gunding so much that everytime i see a baby i just wanna pack up and leave my 'oh-so-easy' job here. but i know it wont do anything good...my momma keeps on bugging me to resign but i know she just really wants me to feel that i still have a home and no matter what happens to my career, i'm still so welcome! but as chara would say it, "let's not go empty-HAMdead, gurl!" fine!
oh, how i love my mom! she's the only one who can keep me going and stop me at the same time...she's the only one who truly understands how i feel and how much acceptance i need. she knows how proud and insecure i can get.
i can still imagine life in college. i'm still guilty over the fact that i told chara, psychology society president then, a lot of philo drop outs are now under her club..but it was just a joke, i never meant anything. chara just laughed and left and told me "alright, hats off to your course!" i really was so sure that after college i'd land the perfect job. hey, i'm the club's president--academic-wise, i'm no.1! i smirk at the sight of an A- philosophy grade. philosophy is my turf and i can't be second best. believe me, that's how proud i was.
during class discussions, i'm the first to be called and the first to be asked. it really doesn't matter whether i give the best answer or not, when i talk, everybody listens. and if i don't hit the right answer, my teacher would do the qualification on my behalf and that just made me even more proud of myself.
i can still remember what i did when one of the most respected professors in the faculty came back after finishing his second doctor's degree. there was an affair then and the next semester will be my batch' last semester in college. i approached the infamous professor and asked him to handle one of our subjects next semester..seemingly pleased, he gave me his word. the subject he handled became the most difficult subject we have taken--and i finished it off with a flattering A! and again, i became prouder.
then college ended. and tears fell. and the proud girl was humbled. and finally, i realize the substance of my course--the pursuit of knowledge starts with humility. i was, all along, ignorant of this.
after getting sunburned and all, summer ended and i'm still jobless.
enter law school. enter insecurities. enter humility.
seven months of bumming around. seven months of feeling rejected. seven months of not knowing whether i'd ever get a job. when the semester ended, i don't know if i will be back to school for the second sem. it came out that my family was willing to help me achieve my dream, but the proud person that i am changed directions and---welcome, call center!
i joined the most famous industry as of the moment. it doesn't really matter if you're a dean's lister or if you were a president of this or that club. all you need are the following: ENGLISH LANGUAGE, COMPUTER SKILLS, DEAF EAR.
yes, deaf ear. of course, the ones who conducted the interview never told us that. i never knew of it too. i was just so happy to have my first job that i really i don't care. i was already warned by chara, she told me that with the kind of character that i have, i wont appreciate the job. i was warned by my classmates. i didn't listen..i had that deaf ear all along! i'm fit for the job--or, so i thought!
i'm here now for more than two months. that same infamous professor warned me before i left for cebu. he talked me out of it, actually. i was stubborn.
eight hours of waiting for calls; one hour of being screamed at by bitchy customers; one hour of being praised by generous and appreciative callers; one hour of waiting for airline reps to answer my call; one hour to eat my lunch which is scheduled at 2:30 in the morning; one hour of being persuaded to resign; one hour of regretting my decision; one hour of learning my lesson; one hour of waiting for my shift to end.
nikki, my roommate, woke me up one sunny afternoon (night time to us) when she suddenly murmured "may i have your itinerary number?' on her sleep! she must really love our job! she even takes it to bed with her..gross!
up until this moment, i remain undecided. it seems as though my reign in college never equipped me with the right demeanor to accept realities.
this proud girl has been tamed in the most unexpected way she knows.
but still, i am thankful. i have a life. something i do not really want, but i have a life. and my mother, her acceptance is forever. if only for her, then i know i will always belong.

human sponge

three weeks. a-bay is finally over. i don't know if i should be glad or worried.
mornings always make me realize that this job that i have is nothing but a child's play to me. i really don't think of it as a job..i even regard my officemates as 'classmates' and i don't know why.
maybe because the job is unusual--or maybe because i don't like this job.
it's no wonder why thousand (yes, thousands) of agents bade goodbye to our company after trying their luck for a month or two. good if they last for a year..but most of the time, a week is basis enough for them to resign.
what's with our job?
first, it exhausts every strength you have..it sucks you dry, they say. but maybe it's just because of the culture that we have; a culture so distinct that the moment a non-familiar thing arrives it blindfolds you. maybe it's just that we are so used of taking our jobs easily that even if we're eating or sleeping or what have you way past our schedule, we really don't care. but the job that i have, we have, spells schedule as d-e-f-i-n-i-t-e. a one hour break is a one hour break, go over than that and you're done.
second, it snatches away moments that were supposed to be meaningful had you spent it with your family or someone else. it produces coldness in you--until you forget that you still have a family--or a loved one. it makes you familiar with the feeling of being alone until you care no more.
third, you become a sponge. you hear to think and not to listen. your life is spent encoding and decoding as if it is supposed to be technical all the time. a full eight hours of your day is spent staring at such unmeaningful scene until you forget to think and be robotic in a sense. and for that, you get paid. a salary that will 'compensate' your dehumanization...
so why am i still here? to apply hermeneutics?
i really wish my time spent in this company wont steal my reason. yes, it polishes your linguistic capacity, but that's the end to it all. you get ill--and the illness is more than physical.
welcome to the world of machines, human sponge!