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New realizations:

1. i'm as OC as my mom...i realized i can't stand the sight of a dirty (read: naabugan lang gyud gamay) kitchen sink and a sloppy (read: bag-o lang gyud giligu-an) bathroom..for the first time in my life i actually bought muriatic acid for the kitchen sink and bathroom tiles...i can't leave the house (i'm renting) without all the chores done! geez..and i wake up each day thinking of the unswept floor first!

2. If my boss' text message is as long as the SF bridge, it is for the team--and, yes, even with text msgs he knows how to organize stuff starting it off with 1)...2)..if it is as short as an unfinished government project during pre-elections, it is just adrsd to me..(bbrrr)

3. you can't force yourself to everybody.

4. a true friend may not always be there for you.

5. the person u think will understand u forever will soon get tired of u.

6. Blessings don't pour like rain; they come individually.

7. A couple grows individually

8. every person has a second skin.

9. if it is to be, it's up to me.

10. life is fair. really. we just don't accept easily.

11. Your mother will never forsake you.

12. i have grown..yet i still have to be...

who are you

and so it goes...the phenomena of self-discovery..patiently waiting for each truth to unfold..always painfully..never without tears..
home, indeed, is the sweetest place on earth...a place where i can hide..i am safe..i can heal from wounds i constantly afflict myself with with every battle i have to wage--and surrender.
i realized, after 2 years, i have never really won any battle..the ground i have entered is still fresh..no bloodshed..my wounds won't scar because they won't heal..the pain will always be there..i surrender from the turmoil of unaffection and ignorance..and i know victory is still a strange word..
the journey i long wanted to quit must go on..and amidst the prevalence of insecurities forever castigating my motivation to step forward and let loose, i followed the path still unknown to me..i have long wanted to turn my back and live in a world of pure theories..a world where pain and suffering are non-existent..where experience can never be realized..
soon i will come out with my own book..and this book will realize a girl, with so much arrogance, vow her head in defeat..and admit that after every arrogant claim, the truth is never with her. a girl who's only solace is a mother who never failed to give her the much needed hope. the much needed support. and an unconditional love even she cannot give in return...
and this book will be called I AM.