the preamble of my spirituality

remember those times when you thought you have everything?
and then suddenly that everything was threatened until there was nothing?
remember how you prayed and begged and asked for mercy?
...because life didn't seem right then..
...it was all a blur...and you wanted more...
you thought life would be easy..
no sweat, kindda easy..and you will be fine
you have set a road for yourself..
a road you thought will be followed closely..
a road appropriate for you..
for you are too damn smart to be taking a different road..
and then when you were almost finish, the nursery ryhme 'london bridge is falling down' suddenly seemed such a big deal to you
because it is happening right before your very eye
your bridge falling down, falling down, falling down..
you needed help but didn't asked anyone
because you thought you could storm it all out alone
because you thought your god will pave the way
because you thought you're too smart to be asking for help
you're too good for that, ayt?
so it was only you and your god..
which, unfortunately, wasn't a bit religious in any sense
because that god of yours is just for magic, miracle, blessing.
your personal assistant who will forever be there to save your ass.
so that experience never thought you anything..
didn't even nourish you spiritually.
and you thought you prayed..
you did not. it was a demand.
like a boss to his subordinate.
and so patient was your god for keeping up with you.
and so impatient were you for looking for deliverance somewhere else..
finally, you thought, you don't need your god.
that it's a journey you can thread on your own.
such arrogance..
you built another bridge..
and while doing so reality hit your hard.and harder still.
tears fell.you saw blood.
it was the most painful experience then for you..
but it was the most beautiful, i should say..
while you were alone, you felt your god within you.
while you were building another bridge, you saw your god's hands carefully moving to set the foundation..you saw your god's eyes wisely overseeing everything..
you knelt and prayed. this time it was really a prayer.
as you surrendered everything to your god, your god made you your own boss..
your god paved the way.
your god 'granted' each of your heart's longing.
you didn't ask. you told your god.
you didn't demand. you laid your plan to your god.
and finally, there it is: a stronger bridge.
now, life isn't fair still.
but you have peace.
life isn't a bit easier.
but you have every reason to smile.
look at your family. look at your friends. look at your mother.
such pride in their eyes while they're looking back at you.
why the fear?
go ahead, it's time to cross that stronger bridge.