masaya cguro maging masaya

it must be nice to feel happiness. the genuine one. the kind of happiness that comes from within and not from anything external.

it must really feel good to feel something as serene as happiness.

i've been around. i've had my share.

but one thing i really learned hard is that real happiness doesn't come from somebody else. or from some thing. it should be internal. within.

for i've been "happy" with someone..i've been "happy" with something. but when that someone decided he wasn't happy with me anymore, or that something's gone, i lost my "happiness". and what follows is something i could hardly bear. the pain; the emptiness; the frustration.

so i told myself from then on, i'd find my happiness from within. for i would always be with myself. my battles and hardships are fought by me alone. only I know what i really want. nobody, or nothing, could give me that.

the joy, the pain, the sorrow, i'll deal with them alone. just me.

no one could stay long enough with me. nothing could stay long enough with me.

i maybe with a lot of people, but honestly, i am alone.

so if i should be happy, it's because I AM HAPPY. period.

mawala man si ganito o si ganiyan. masaya ako.

the problem, really, is how to be happy. how not to be deceived by emotions. how not to just be a slave of feelings and guilty pleasures.

that is what i badly need to know. how?

tired

all i really want is an assurance from you. that you love me. that you intend for us to last. but i am not seeing it. nor feeling it.

it was good for the first two weeks...and then it's gone.

sir, i miss you so much.

i do.

but i think it's time to let go. while dli pa kayo sakit.

thank you.