sakit na pud. i thought human na ko ani nga stage.

di ba dapat happiness na pud?

ngano pain na man pud?

masaya cguro maging masaya

it must be nice to feel happiness. the genuine one. the kind of happiness that comes from within and not from anything external.

it must really feel good to feel something as serene as happiness.

i've been around. i've had my share.

but one thing i really learned hard is that real happiness doesn't come from somebody else. or from some thing. it should be internal. within.

for i've been "happy" with someone..i've been "happy" with something. but when that someone decided he wasn't happy with me anymore, or that something's gone, i lost my "happiness". and what follows is something i could hardly bear. the pain; the emptiness; the frustration.

so i told myself from then on, i'd find my happiness from within. for i would always be with myself. my battles and hardships are fought by me alone. only I know what i really want. nobody, or nothing, could give me that.

the joy, the pain, the sorrow, i'll deal with them alone. just me.

no one could stay long enough with me. nothing could stay long enough with me.

i maybe with a lot of people, but honestly, i am alone.

so if i should be happy, it's because I AM HAPPY. period.

mawala man si ganito o si ganiyan. masaya ako.

the problem, really, is how to be happy. how not to be deceived by emotions. how not to just be a slave of feelings and guilty pleasures.

that is what i badly need to know. how?

tired

all i really want is an assurance from you. that you love me. that you intend for us to last. but i am not seeing it. nor feeling it.

it was good for the first two weeks...and then it's gone.

sir, i miss you so much.

i do.

but i think it's time to let go. while dli pa kayo sakit.

thank you.

i still remember you

amidst all the hurt and all the pain, i still remember you...and still get excited at the thought of hearing your voice again, feeling your touch again, seeing your face again.
maybe because you're the first man i really loved. a love that knew no boundary; a love so willing to give and sometimes does not mind receiving anything at all. i, then, was too willing to accept you--flaws and all.
where are you now? where is that love we used to share?
it's like nothing really happened, right?
like a pre-election government project that went down the drain after the votes were cast.
a lot of songs still remind me of you like how traffic jams remind commuters of how a road project was promised..
some places still do..
the memories are still haunting me..
and yes, even if i have someone else right now.
i hope you have incapacitated me to love that way again. because honestly, i don't want to love him like i have loved you.
i don't want to give everything...
sakto na ang nabuang ko kausa sa isa ka lalaki nga wala man lang ko gitagaan ug bili.
soon, i know, you'll just be a distant memory. and if i remember you again, i wouldn't feel the pain. or the happiness we once shared.
it will be just you. just a face...just a name.

my break up letter hehehe

i believe this would be my last letter to you. i cannot wait around anymore and i know it's futile to still go on. you have slowly faded away and there's no use to ask you to stay and give this ill-fated relationship one more shot.
i knew from the start ours is going to be a complicated affair. but amidst the conflict, i decided to give it a fight for what it's worth. i know there have been many disappointments but i believe the rough roads we've been through were enough for us to test ourselves. i can afford to still stick with you but i cannot wager on a battle on my own. this can't be a one sided love affair.
i have given my best. it may not be enough for you but it was my best shot. maybe you also did try to keep our relationship working but frustrations and failures must have held you back. and of course your ambitions too.
i really wish you so much happiness and success. i may not be there to share them with you but i'll keep praying for an abundance of blessings to come your way. i'll just be here as your friend; and for anything, as long as i can do it, i'll be just here.
i will not talk about the pain of letting you go. it isn't painful, actually. it's liberating. when you taste real freedom from a conflict-filled relationship, you'll know what i mean. i feel happy right now because i can finally tell you that i am free. and i know you'll be happy of this freedom, too. i apologize that i didn't take the chance to tell you this personally. after almost three years of being together, i just can't afford to do this face to face.
thank you so much for the time, the love, and the faith you gave to me. i will never forget the happiness that we once shared. hope you'll wish me luck to all my endeavors, too.
happy birthday, Hunny Ko!

.....

actually, d man sa pagmahay..pero i think i lived my life too fast..
murag naa'y naglakag sa ako..
well, i'm really like this. i don't have that much patience...i get bored easily. d ko gusto maghulat..even with small stuff, i want to be done in a snap.
daghan ko giagpas. daghan ko gimadali.
mao pud cguro, if pwede, daghan ko gusto usbon.
pero of course, bisan mahurot cguro nako tanan nobena sa earth, nothing's gonna bring back the past.
gakaibog ko sa mga tao nga wala nag-agpas. people who are patient and determined. people who do not mind waiting...
unta gihinay-hinay nako.
but well..nahuman nah
no use na para maghilak
pero ginakumot akong dughan
i know the only way para mabag-o is kung mismo ako mubag-o sa ako self
pero ako na cguro ang babae nga dili gyud kaya ang lisud.
bisan gamay lang nga sakripisyo magbaguud na daun ko
life has blessed me with a lot of opportunities pero gipasagdan nako tanan.
wala na ko right magmahay karon
and definitely, life had been good to me
kanga2x lang jud ko
wa na ko kabalo aha ko dapit karon
i'll just go with the flow
tanan sa ako karon hanging..

if you ever change your mind

sure i understand
of course i'll be fine
you had a change of plans
oh well, i'll just change mine

but if it turns out bad
and if your nights get long
and if she makes you sad
no need to be strong

and if you ever change your mind
and find you miss those feelings that you left behind
we could give it one more try
some magic place in time
if you ever change your mind

i guess i better go
you know i hate goodbyes
let's not drag this out babe
i'll see 'round some time

and if you ever change your mind
and find you miss those feelings that you left behind
we could give it one more try
some magic place in time
if you ever change your mind

Go don't look back
let the heartaches pass

and if you ever change your mind
and find you miss those feelings that you left behind
we could give it one more try
some magic place some time
if you ever change your mind